Divorce Mediation

A process in which a neutral mediator helps separating spouses negotiate their own agreement on property, support and parenting, instead of having a judge decide for them.

Looking for a lawyer rather than a definition? Skip to the state-by-state list of Divorce Mediation law firms.

What it means

In divorce mediation the spouses meet with a neutral mediator, with or without their own lawyers, to work out the terms of their divorce: how property and debts are divided, whether one spouse pays support to the other, and, where there are children, the parenting schedule and child support. The mediator does not decide anything and does not represent either spouse. The mediator's job is to run the sessions, keep the discussion on the issues, surface information both sides need, and help the spouses reach terms they can both accept. What they agree is written up, usually as a mediated settlement agreement, and then submitted to the court to be made part of the divorce decree. Until a judge enters it, the divorce is not final, and the court still reviews child-related terms for the child's welfare.

Mediation can be voluntary or ordered. Many courts require spouses to try mediation before a contested hearing on custody or parenting time, and some require it on all issues, while allowing a spouse to be excused where there has been domestic violence or where one side cannot negotiate safely. What is said in mediation is generally confidential: the Uniform Mediation Act, adopted in a number of states, makes mediation communications privileged, so they cannot be used as evidence later if the case does go to trial, and many other states have their own confidentiality statutes or court rules. The national Model Standards of Practice for Family and Divorce Mediation call for the mediator to be impartial, to screen for domestic violence and child abuse, to make sure each spouse understands the process, and to recommend that each spouse have the agreement reviewed by an independent lawyer before signing.

Mediation differs from collaborative divorce, where each spouse has a lawyer committed to settling and the lawyers must withdraw if the case goes to court, and from arbitration, where a private neutral actually decides the dispute (see mediation and arbitration). A mediator who is a lawyer still cannot give either spouse legal advice while acting as mediator. Mediation works less well where one spouse hides assets, where there is a serious imbalance of power or information, or where one side will not negotiate in good faith; in those cases the formal tools of litigation, such as discovery and court orders, are what protect the weaker spouse.

Where this comes from

When people hire a lawyer for this

Most people are better off with their own lawyer even in mediation: a consulting lawyer can explain what a court would likely order, which is the yardstick for any proposal, spot missing assets or tax consequences, and review the agreement before you sign it, since a signed and court-approved agreement is very hard to undo. Divorce mediators themselves are often family lawyers or mental-health professionals with mediation training; many law firms offer mediation as well as representation. Speak to a lawyer first if there has been violence or intimidation, if your spouse controls the finances or the information about them, or if your spouse has already hired a lawyer and you have not.

Worried about the cost? A lawyer can be hired for one part of a case only (limited-scope representation), may be paid from what a claim recovers (contingency fee), or may be free through a pro bono program or legal aid; a court can also waive its own filing fees.

Find Divorce Mediation law firms in your state

Choose your state to see Divorce Mediation law firms in the city where we list the most; your city may be under “other cities”, A to Z.

• Alabama (Birmingham)
  +1 other city

  • Montgomery
• Alaska (Anchorage)
• Arizona (Glendale)
  +6 other cities

  • Chandler
  • Gilbert
  • Mesa
  • Phoenix
  • Scottsdale
  • Tucson
• Arkansas (Little Rock)
• California (San Diego)
  +19 other cities

  • Anaheim
  • Chula Vista
  • Fremont
  • Long Beach
  • Los Angeles
  • Modesto
  • Oakland
  • Oxnard
  • Riverside
  • Sacramento
  • San Francisco
  • San Jose
  • and 7 more with fewer listed firms
• Colorado (Colorado Springs)
  +2 other cities

  • Aurora
  • Denver
• Connecticut (Bridgeport)
• Delaware (Wilmington)
• District of Columbia (Washington)
• Florida (Orlando)
  +5 other cities

  • Hialeah
  • Jacksonville
  • Miami
  • St Petersburg
  • Tampa
• Georgia (Atlanta)
• Hawaii (Honolulu)
• Idaho (Boise)
• Illinois (Chicago)
• Indiana (Indianapolis)
  +1 other city

  • Fort Wayne
• Iowa (Des Moines)
• Kansas (Kansas City)
  +1 other city

  • Wichita
• Kentucky (Lexington)
  +1 other city

  • Louisville
• Louisiana (Baton Rouge)
  +2 other cities

  • New Orleans
  • Shreveport
• Maine (Portland)
• Maryland (Baltimore)
• Massachusetts (Boston)
• Michigan (Detroit)
• Minnesota (Minneapolis)
  +1 other city

  • Saint Paul
• Mississippi (Jackson)
• Missouri (Kansas City)
  +1 other city

  • St. Louis
• Montana (Billings)
• Nebraska (Lincoln)
  +1 other city

  • Omaha
• Nevada (Henderson)
  +3 other cities

  • Las Vegas
  • North Las Vegas
  • Reno
• New Hampshire (Manchester)
• New Jersey (Newark)
  +1 other city

  • Jersey City
• New Mexico (Albuquerque)
• New York (New York City)
  +2 other cities

  • Buffalo
  • Rochester
• North Carolina (Durham)
  +5 other cities

  • Charlotte
  • Fayetteville
  • Greensboro
  • Raleigh
  • Winston-Salem
• North Dakota (Fargo)
• Ohio (Cincinnati)
  +3 other cities

  • Cleveland
  • Columbus
  • Toledo
• Oklahoma (Tulsa)
  +1 other city

  • Oklahoma City
• Oregon (Portland)
• Pennsylvania (Philadelphia)
  +1 other city

  • Pittsburgh
• Rhode Island (Providence)
• South Carolina (Columbia)
• South Dakota (Sioux Falls)
• Tennessee (Nashville)
  +1 other city

  • Memphis
• Texas (Arlington)
  +12 other cities

  • Austin
  • Corpus Christi
  • Dallas
  • El Paso
  • Fort Worth
  • Garland
  • Houston
  • Irving
  • Laredo
  • Lubbock
  • Plano
  • San Antonio
• Utah (Salt Lake City)
• Vermont (Burlington)
• Virginia (Virginia Beach)
  +3 other cities

  • Chesapeake
  • Norfolk
  • Richmond
• Washington (Spokane)
  +2 other cities

  • Seattle
  • Tacoma
• West Virginia (Charleston)
• Wisconsin (Madison)
  +1 other city

  • Milwaukee
• Wyoming (Cheyenne)

Related terms

Other entries in the same area of law, each written from the same primary sources.

• AdoptionThe court order that makes a child legally the son or daughter of someone other than the birth parents - the kinds of adoption, whose consent is required, how the birth parents' rights end, the home study and the hearing, and what the order changes about inheritance, records and the child's name.
• Annulment (Void and Voidable Marriage)A court judgment declaring that a marriage was never valid, as distinct from a divorce that ends a valid one - the difference between a void and a voidable marriage, the grounds each state recognizes, who may bring the case, and what an annulment does to property, support and children.
• Child SupportMoney one parent pays the other toward a child's living costs, set in most cases by a state formula rather than by negotiation.
• Child Support EnforcementHow unpaid child support is collected - income withholding, tax refund intercepts, license and passport sanctions, liens and contempt - and the free help available from state child support agencies.
• Cohabitation Agreement (Unmarried Couples)Why unmarried partners who live together have few of the property and support rights spouses have, what a written cohabitation agreement can cover, and what courts do without one.
• Collaborative Divorce (Collaborative Law)A way to settle a divorce out of court in which both spouses and their lawyers agree in writing to negotiate, and the lawyers must withdraw if the case goes to court.
• Common-Law MarriageA marriage formed without a license or ceremony by living together as spouses and holding yourselves out as married - which states still allow it, what has to be proved, why every state recognizes one validly formed elsewhere, and what it means for property, support and inheritance when the relationship ends.
• Dividing Retirement Accounts in Divorce (QDRO)How pensions, 401(k) plans and IRAs are divided at divorce without tax or penalty - what a qualified domestic relations order is and why a divorce decree alone is not enough, the difference between a defined-benefit and a defined-contribution split, the plans that need a different order, and the mistakes that cost a former spouse the share the decree awarded.
• Establishing PaternityThe legal step that makes a man a child's father in law - and signing the hospital form is one of two routes, not a formality.
• Grandparent and Third-Party VisitationWhen a court can order that a child spend time with a grandparent, step-parent or other non-parent over a parent's objection - the constitutional limit set by the Supreme Court, the circumstances in which state statutes allow a petition, the special weight a fit parent's decision receives, and what a petitioner must prove.
• Grounds for DivorceThe legal basis a divorce is granted on - and in every state today at least one basis requires proving no wrongdoing by anyone.
• Guardian ad Litem and Custody EvaluatorThe two neutrals a court most often appoints in a contested custody case - what a guardian ad litem does and does not do, how it differs from a child's attorney and from a custody evaluator, who pays, what they may see, and how their reports are used at trial.
• Guardianship of a MinorA court order giving an adult who is not the parent legal authority over a child's care, or over the child's property, without ending the parents' rights - how it differs from custody and adoption, who can be appointed, what the parents keep, and how it ends.
• Legal and Physical CustodyTwo different things the word "custody" covers: who makes major decisions for a child, and where the child lives.
• Legal SeparationA court status in which spouses live apart with binding orders on support, property and children, while remaining married.
• Marital Property DivisionHow a court splits what a couple owns - and "equitable" means fair in that state's judgment, which is not the same as half.
• Military DivorceA divorce in which one spouse is a service member, which adds federal rules on where the case can be filed, how military retired pay is divided, and what the civilian spouse keeps after the divorce.
• Modifying a Custody or Support OrderChanging an existing family court order - which usually requires proving something has changed, and never happens by the parents' agreement alone.
• Parenting Plan and VisitationThe written schedule and decision-making rules for a child after separation - and the document courts increasingly require rather than invite.
• Postnuptial AgreementA contract between spouses, signed during the marriage, that decides how property and support would be handled on divorce or death, and why courts scrutinize it more closely than a prenup.
• Prenuptial AgreementA contract made before marriage about property and support - enforceable in every state, and set aside more often than most people expect.
• Protective Order (Restraining Order)A court order telling one person to stop contacting or coming near another - enforceable by police, and valid across state lines.
• Relocating With a ChildMoving a child away from the other parent - the family law dispute most likely to require the court's permission before the move, not after.
• Same-Sex Marriage and Family LawHow marriage, divorce, parentage and adoption law applies to same-sex couples after Obergefell, and the places where the rules still differ in practice.
• Spousal Support (Alimony)Payments from one former spouse to the other - discretionary in most states, and taxed differently for instruments made after 2018.
• Termination of Parental RightsThe court order that permanently ends the legal relationship between a parent and child - the grounds a state must prove, the heightened standard of proof and right to counsel, the difference between voluntary relinquishment and an involuntary petition, and what the order does and does not end.

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